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What I pretended NOT to know

Do you have times when you tell yourself  “I am not happy”, but you don’t know the ‘what’ that you are unhappy about?

Well, those days happen to me alot.

Most of the time, I just let these feelings manifest in me until such times I feel totally wasted and exhausted with everyday life. Slowly,  work grows into a routine, waking up turns to a chore and resentment becomes my best friend. Yet, I justify to myself that I am okay with being unhappy and mundane.

AND that’s not the truth.

It was not until my colleague signed me up for a “Personal Development” course that I decided I have to UNDO the bleakness in my life.

You know how life is, sometimes you wished you can press control+Z all the way until you get to the part you are satisfied with. And you know how life is, sometimes you knew there’s something wrong with your being but you pretend that you don’t.

As for me, it all dawned on me during the course… I immediately knew what I wanted and what I need to do after that 5 days.

I want to walk out from my silence and sorrow of my mother’s death.  I want to be vulnerable. I want to be loved. I want to be HAPPY.

But happiness won’t come to you when you are just sitting there and wallowing in self-pity. I’m glad I took responsibility in my pursuit of happiness. Now I can finally shed my image and be authentic to people around me 🙂

For those who has accepted me as who I am, I want to say I love you and thank you.


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